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Sean Grills – #1 – Honey BBQ & Chili Fuckin’ Lime Grilled Chicken

Sweet Ass Honey BBQ & Chili Fuckin’ Lime Grilled Chicken

Listen up, ladies and gentleman!  Coming at you is the first of a series of many…and by many, I mean a few before I give up!

In honor of our fallen soldiers, what better time than now to give out a great grilling recipe because we owe all of our barbecues and parties today to our fallen heroes on this Memorial Day!

Welcome to Sean Grills!  Today, we will be going over the Sweet Ass Honey BBQ and Chili Fuckin’ Lime grilled chicken.  It is an amazing dish that if you have the cojones to cook, you will be rewarded.  Let us jump right in.  Here is what you will need:

Ingredients – Sweet Ass Honey BBQ Chicken

  •  A lot of salt
  • A lot of pepper
  • 4 Tbsp of oil – Tbsp=Tablespoon you inbred disaster
  • 1 something ounce container of Sweet Baby Ray’s Honey BBQ sauce
  • A sack to make sure you don’t wither away at the heat of real food

Ingredients – Chili Fuckin’ Lime Chicken (Double this if you aren’t a pussy)

  • 4 Tbsp oil
  • 1 Tbsp apple cider vinegar
  • 2 Tsp chili powder
  • 1 Tsp garlic powder
  • 1 Tsp onion powder
  • 1 Tsp salt – LAUGHABLE
  • 1/4 Tsp black pepper – GROW A PAIR
  • 2 Tbsp fresh lime juice – JUST USE A WHOLE LIME YOU BASTARD
  • 4 boneless skinless chicken thighs – HA!  What are you feeding, a family of 1?

Time To Jump Right In

First thing is first, throw those ingredients out the goddamn window.  We will be using a term called a shake or a dump.  Dump some of this, shake a little of that, like that ass!  If you aren’t already offended, then please continue.

Time to prep the chicken, don’t do anything with your grill yet, dummy.

Take that chicken and open the package.Give it a rinse if you like, finger blast it a little, and get it into one of those cheap as fuck aluminum containers you get at every Tom, Joe, and Dick grocery store.  Clean up some of the fat, just trim it right off.  You might like your women as fatties, but our thighs should be clean of excess fat.  Now, you are ready to spice it up, unlike your lackluster sex life, loser!

Spice It Up!

This will consist of two parts.  One, we will get the chicken salt & peppered and put it into a Ziploc, and yes I mean Ziploc because you shouldn’t be some cheap ass tart!  Number two, salt & pepper that shit liberally, and I don’t mean draw it a picture and give it a dog to pet, the shit is dead and the only safe space it needs is on my fucking dinner plate!  Once that shit is in Ziploc bags like Jeffrey Dahmer’s side dishes, we can move onto our marinade.  Time to juice it up, unlike your ability to get your chick in the mood!

Marinade, Baby

Here it is!  The showstopper!  The finale….the marinade above all marinades.  You couldn’t come up with this if your little dick depended on it.  It is…the marinade!

Take all those other ingredients; the chili, the garlic, the onion, all that bullshit and mix it in with the apple cider vinegar and the oil.  This is your marinade for the Chili Fuckin’ Lime grilled chicken.  Once you have all those ingredients in your little bowl, go ahead and whip your dick out and give it a good whip.

Really, just whip that marinade up into a frenzy!  Now, your chick is blowing some other dude but you are making the best chicken this side of the Mississippi, so give yourself a grip and just let it go, it’s time to bag!

 

Bag It Up

Not much to say here.  Bag that chicken like you failed to do when you had your first rotten little beast.

Take half of the chicken, the non-marinated, and throw it in the fridge!  Take the marinade, and dump it into the Ziploc with the other half of the chicken.

Right now, that load is going all over your woman’s face, but you are getting ready to grill some meat, so tell her to do her thing and shut up because it is time to warm up the grill!

Get The Grill Ready, Shit Stain!

The time has come…it is the money shot!  It is the holy grail, the grill.  Time to warm it up.  You are going to want to fill your little chimney stack with charcoal and fire it up.  Here is a little grill tip:  use a few paper towels with a drizzle of olive oil as your firestarter, it does wonders!

If you have a gas grill you will want to do the following:

  • Turn the gas on high
  • Place head in grill
  • Close grill
  • Press ignitor

You are worthless and contribute nothing to the grilling aromas overtaking your neighborhood.  The only thing folks think when you fire up your little propane piece of junk is if there’s a gas leak somewhere!

If you aren’t using charcoal, let’s get real….You haven’t even made it this far so why am I still talking to you?  Take your gas grill and chuck it, like you did all your high school dreams.  If you have a pair, get that charcoal ready so that it’s ashy on top!

Time To Cook, Bitch!

The time has come.  The grill is ready.  The chicken is prepped.  Time to do the man’s job.  First, holster and chamber that .45 on the side of your hip.  If that chicken decides to cluck again, you’ll be ready!  We want to make sure that grill is hot enough to cook something and not warm like your ball bag when you’re pulling it up over your face!

To make sure you are at the right temperature, you will want to get yourself a handy, dandy, thermometer.  The perfect thermometer is the one that doesn’t melt like your ego, but who gives a shit!  Get yourself one of these to make sure your meat is perfect:

Now, after you have given your chicken a nice slap on the ass, go ahead and throw it on the grill.  Also, call your chick into the kitchen and tell her to put on high heels and an apron, because that is all she is gonna need!  Oops, I forgot…she left you a long time ago!

Now, go get that shit cooking!

Let It Cook, Dummy!

Don’t feel tempted here.  You have split the Chili Fuckin’ Lime from the Sweet Ass Honey BBQ and it is cooking.  Not touching, just like you and your woman’s pelvic area.  Give it a bit though, it will take about 8 minutes per side, especially if it is thick like Harambe’s dick!

DICK’S OUT FOR HARAMBE!  R.I.P. Harambe – May 27th, 1999 – May, 28th, 2018

At this point, we are going to want to start that basting, much how you ended up with your second child!  Take some of that Sweet Baby Ray’s and start brushing it on the plain chicken.  Don’t worry, it will turn out nice, unlike your marriage…

It’s About Done

After a few more minutes on each side, it will be finished.  It will take about as long as you wish you lasted in bed.  The Sweet Ass Honey BBQ will begin to glaze over, much like your chick when you start talking about your boring ass job that makes just enough to eat McDonald’s every night!  Once it looks pretty, it is time to pull it off the grill and finish it, unlike you do for your girl, which is precisely why she spends so much time with Michael from accounting “after hours!”

Time To Finish

Now it is time to finish that chicken!  Sure, you may need a side so get your self some Bob Evans whatever; potatoes…macaroni & cheese…scalloped potatoes…I could give 1/3rd of a fuck less!  What you do need to do is spritz that Chili Fuckin’ Lime chicken with some lime juice, it will freshen everything up just enough to make it better than eating your mom’s ass out on your Sunday visit!  Go ahead and roll a lime around in your hand like you do your chicks little knockers and get them warmed up!  If you need help, just microwave them for 30 seconds.  Cut the lime in half and spritz the piss out of that chicken!

Ready To Serve

It’s done.  You did it!  You accomplished absolutely nothing and you went to bed without getting laid again.  At least you made something manly!  Grilled Chicken!  Fuck, YES!

What goes perfect with grilled chicken?  A nice glass of Chardon….go fuck yourself!  Grab yourself a beer or six and eat some goddamn chicken and mashed potatoes.  That shit is on point!  Your chick might be with Michael from “accounting”, but do you really care?  There is a hole in your soul and it needs some goddamn testosterone fueled, grilled, motherfucking chicken.

Until next time, friendos!  Enjoy, and just remember that there are winners and losers…you are probably the latter but maybe this will help you feel just a little bit better about yourself.  Now go buy a Weber charcoal grill and stop suckling on your mama’s titties!  Till next time…

Disclaimer

The views described above do not, in any way, describe the views of the Here For The Insults staff, members, family, or other personnel involved in the show in any way, shape, or form.  This is a farcical writing meant to trigger those looking for a reason to be upset.  Also, when it comes to salting and seasoning things…it is the only time I will ask you to be liberal.  Lastly, I don’t give a flying rat’s ass about the grammar, sentence structure, or punctuation.  If you feel you must say something then please just pound sand right up your asshole!  I could care less…

We will not be held responsible for the safe spaces you require after reading this.  Take your tears elsewhere.  We don’t want the frogs to be gay!